A letter to the man standing behind me

why do you stay there, and then i look and your not there. you motherfucker, i swear if i find you i am going to cut you and feed you your insides. i can feel my mind leaving. i thought i would get smarter, more proficient as i got older. sadly, i feel my brain "deteriorating" in a way. and no, its not drugs, or alcohol, ive been sober almost a year. maybe i did too much damage when i was using them. maybe not. maybe im supposed to feel this. well, i know i feel like this for a reason, but at this time the reason alludes me. my sanity is the lady of lay lady lay. i've had some damn good conversations with myself. fuck sometimes they are so satisfying, other times they scare the shit out of me. why does snippet cartoon insane vision seem so seductive?