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So it’s been a good long while. For some reason, I am driven to express. And my faithful audience, there for each word, has stayed by my side.

It’s been a hell of three years. I feel much more than 3 years have passed, at least physically. Why did I ever have to be enlightened to the world of Erikson and other developmentologists? I guess my greatest improvement is my increased hesitation to subscribe to anything as truth. It’s bizarre, how unrelenting the preaching is. And none of it is with any reservation, or disclaimer, that this is simply a single reflection on a specific experience in a unique environment in a certain era.

no leaving day

country, is what i live in. and what they call pleasing, to the ears, and to the feet, so firmly planted within the unfortunate reaction to human nature. why, is it that the one that i have chosen to call myself is experiencing an alternate influx of fact, one so touched by power that it would, hopefully, have anyone realizing the same. hope, obviously no longer deserves a place in the mind of the reasonable.what can a reasonable being do in a land so that reflects, a seemingly increasing opposite image of itself. with every effort made to employ logic, the employee becomes worse.
How about a perfectly sensible sentence?
does nothing, a perfect example of the dilemma previously mentioned in ramble. i hope that solutions do not resemble the physical realm. if so, doing the opposite should prove effective
i should not have to describe what my words are suggesting. it is not laziness, but a fear, and a desire to repress what brings about the fright. but, the solution seems to be to forget logic, reason and intelligence. logic makes no sense to the illogical, the unreasonable can not be reasoned with, and the uneducated... won't know what i was going to say.

this one goes out to all the homies on the other side

im going to deviate from my normal style for the beginning of this one. its been a while since ive addressed the choir, and i think i should fill you all in on the facts of the rev in a clear understandable fashion.mentally stable is not a phrase reserved for me. i recently made the decision to stop taking my medication. there were a few motivators behind this. the main idea is that i want to experience life as a human. im tired to the subhuman reality i live. its time to fight this battle crutch less.now, onto my stream...given the circumstances, i live in a valley of selectively visible axe murderers and rapists. only i can see these sinners. only from my mind did they come. am secretively a masochist, enjoying every minute. a masochist with no balls to speak of, calling on reassuring supports to calm my nerves.i have seen hell, and i have walked through the valley of the shadow of death.i have kicked it with dante. he likes tennis by the way.dante said a few more weeks, and ill be ok.

rave

somehow, im in a rave. im high off my ass. none of this hapened though, it came out of my head. actually, i kind of went into my head. i found the key to get in and fully experience anything i want. i think i might be able to teach it, but the simplicity makes it dificult. think for yourself! thats it.

trust

trust no one, this is the only surefire way to remain safe. why risk it, over and over, you will be given reasons in life to believe no one. i sure have. the second you let your guard down, you're fucked by lies.

extremely sober rant

i want your sick, your weak, your tired, your poor, your suffering, i want them. i want to make an army. i want to take over, and i will, im tired of the way our society is working. Mark my words, i will change it.

A letter to the man standing behind me

why do you stay there, and then i look and your not there. you motherfucker, i swear if i find you i am going to cut you and feed you your insides. i can feel my mind leaving. i thought i would get smarter, more proficient as i got older. sadly, i feel my brain "deteriorating" in a way. and no, its not drugs, or alcohol, ive been sober almost a year. maybe i did too much damage when i was using them. maybe not. maybe im supposed to feel this. well, i know i feel like this for a reason, but at this time the reason alludes me. my sanity is the lady of lay lady lay. i've had some damn good conversations with myself. fuck sometimes they are so satisfying, other times they scare the shit out of me. why does snippet cartoon insane vision seem so seductive?